Jasper is Here!

Wednesday morning, I woke up at 4:30 in the morning with a start. I don't really know what it was that made me wake up, but I was WIDE awake. The next thing I knew, I realized that I had to get to the bathroom and FAST! By the time that I made it to the bathroom, my water had completely broken all over the bathroom floor. And I mean EVERYWHERE!!! And there was no denying that my water broke and that maybe I just peed on myself. I was only 34 weeks pregnant (according to my doctor) and my water had broken. What now?

I think I woke Mike up when I was running to the bathroom so he asked if I was ok. I remember saying “My water just broke” and he responded with “Are you serious?!” I wasn't lying silly boy ;) He asked me if I was ok and then I completely lost it. I kept thinking it is WAY too early for this guy to come, wondering if he was healthy enough to come out yet, and that I still had way too many things on my to-do list for him to be here lol. Oh, and the fact that I was TERRIFIED to be in labor and have to push him out!!

I didn't know what to do first. I have always heard that even if your water does break, you still have a little time to labor at home before you have to go to the hospital. Mike wasn't so sure so he made me look it up. Turns out since I was so early that the sooner I went in the better. There was a possibility that they might try and stop my labor since I was so early but that meant a risk of infection. So we were running around the house trying to pack a bag for the hospital and trying to make sure we had everything we needed. We called the hospital and told them what was going on and they told me to come in and they would check me out. I was so so upset that I was leaving Chewy and I just kept thinking about how he wasn't going to be my only baby anymore. A little ridiculous, I know, but he was my first baby and I love him very much.

We finally got the the hospital a little over an hour later. We actually had to sit in the waiting room for a little bit (which I thought was weird for a laboring mom?) but then we finally made it to the labor and delivery floor. The nurse checked to see if I was dilated, which I still hate by the way, and I was at a 1. She said that there was no denying that my water had broken and that she was going to go call the doctor. They came in and put an IV in my arm, another thing I absolutely hate, and attached me all up. She did an AMAZING job and I don't have a bruise or anything. I asked her if we were having a baby today and she just smiled really big and said “Yup, we are going to have a baby today!” I remember being completely in shock, excited to see my precious son, and scared all at the same time.

Since I wasn't really laboring yet, I let Mike go to school. I didn't want him to get behind just because I was having a baby. He even had a test that day that he had been studying for for days and I didn't want him to miss it. He made it through his first class, but by that time, my contractions were getting more and more intense and I didn't think I could wait until 1:00 p.m for him to finish his test. Mike emailed his professor and told him what was going on and came back to the hospital. Luckily, his professor completely understood and is going to let him take his test another time.

A little while later they had a nurse shift change and I met my nurse who was going to be with me all day. Her name was Tawnya and she was so cheerful and happy and sweet. She attached me to a couple monitors that measured my contractions and the baby's heartbeat. They started me on Pitocin at around 8:00 and we played the sitting and waiting game. It didn't take long at all before I could start feeling the contractions. They weren't really what I expected and were totally different from the ones that I had been feeling when I went in to the hospital the week before. So much for that test that said I wasn't going to have a baby in 2 weeks! They weren't bad at first, but they started to come harder and faster. Turns out my body is really susceptible to Pitocin and responds quickly. By around 11, they were getting almost to the point where they were one of top of another and the baby didn't like that much. Of course, I didn't really like them much either. I remember the last 2 or so before getting medicine were so bad that I almost cried. I asked the nurse what my medicine options were and she said that my best bet was just to go and get the epidural. She checked me again and I was already a 4, so I said sure lets get this medicine started!

Yet again, I was scared out of my mind. I hate hate hate needles and this one is a REALLY huge one. Good thing I couldn't see it or else I probably would have freaked. The anesthesiologist was unreal. He was so gentle and calming and just amazing. The whole time he would tell me exactly what he was doing and what was going on so that I wouldn't jump or freak out. I definitely remember the pinching and burning of the numbing shot but that is the most pain I really remember. There was a TON of pressure which was weird to feel since I didn't really “feel” it per say. Then when he put the catherer in, he described it as feeling almost like electricity running through your backside. Yup. That was exactly how it felt. Once it was over, it amazed me at how quickly it started working. It wasn't even 5 minutes before I had a contraction that I could barely feel. Epidurals are my new best friends.

Once my epidural was in, I was feeling fantastic. Having the bottom half of your body numb is a really weird feeling, but I liked it. I kept trying to move my legs, which didn't work, and I thought that was the funniest thing ever. Since I was on this medicine, I was fine with waiting and chilling out for a while. I don't really know why, but I was not ready for this guy to be here and was still FREAKING out about pushing him out.

Besides Mike, Dad was the first person to come up to the hospital. I hadn't expected him to come up to the hospital at all actually. He had stopped on the way and bought Jasper a little A&M teddy bear. Dad definitely was making things interesting and I am glad he came up there. Mom took her time getting up to the hospital. I called her at 7 that morning to tell her what was going on and it took her 2 hours before she even left the house. She didn't know how long she would be staying and didn't know what all she should pack. She got there around the time when my contractions were getting bad. The thing about Pitocin is that you don't get to slowly feel the contractions. I'm glad that I got the epidural when I did and I was able to enjoy laboring nicely with my family. They kept me entertained and distracted and even brought the laptop so that I could keep everyone updated. I seriously don't know how I would have gotten along without my cell phone and internet to keep people posted.

At around 4:00, I had been laboring along great (of course I couldn't feel it so I was happy lol). The nurse came in and told me that it seemed to be the day for preemies and that the neonatal team was really busy. Since I was feeling great and the baby was doing great, we were just going to hang out for a while. I probably was already to push and everything but I was completely ok with waiting. I was still freaking out about bring a baby in to this world.

Around 5:00, the nurse came in and checked me. I was at a 10 and completely effaced. Time to push. She called the doctor to let her know I was close, let the neonatal team know, and we got ready. Pushing was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Because I was so numb from the epidural I didn't know if I was using the right muscles to push. The nurse really helped me a lot, counting out and everything. Mom held one leg and Mike held the other. I remember thinking that my head was going to explode with all the concentrating and pushing and holding my breath. One time, I got so lightheaded that I thought I might black out. They kept telling me that they could see his little head getting closer and closer but I couldn't feel anything yet. Once his head got to the end, though, I could feel it. There were a couple of times when she wanted me to rest through a contraction where I thought he might just slip out on his own! Once his head was out, the doctor and team came in. Doctor O was fantastic. She told me I was doing so well and that she thought I would only tear a little. I had only been pushing about 45 minutes when it really got exciting. I think I only pushed maybe a handful of times before I could really feel the pressure and tell that he was coming out. Mike kept telling me that I was almost there and that I was so close. I remember thinking that I just wanted him out so I could stop pushing and see him. Then, he finally popped out. I heard his little whimper and fell in love instantly. Because he was preemie, I didn't get to see him at first. The neonatal team took him to make sure he was breathing and that everything was ok. They finally put him in my arms and at first, I felt like I was holding a stranger, per say. It was hard for me to connect that he was actually mine. That I had grew him and took care of him and pushed him out. Of course I already loved him, but I didn't know him yet. I only got to see him for like 2 minutes before they took him out to weigh/measure/clean him up. I remember being totally sad that I couldn't hold him longer or let him try to breastfeed, but I knew he needed to looked over first. Mike and mom were able to go and take pictures and watch. Turns out that I didn't rip or tear at all and that everything looked great on me, thank goodness! Because I was able to take the labor so slow and easy, I was able to stretch out great. Yay no stitches for me!

Less than 2 minutes later, the nurse brought me a pepsi. Yay sugar!!! Then 5 minutes later, a burger and french fries! I was in heaven. I was done pushing, had my baby, couldn't feel it, and was getting the first food I had eaten since the night before. Mike and mom came back with some bad news though. He was breathing on his own, but it looked like he was having troubles with circulation. His hands and feet were still pretty blue but they weren't too worried. Also, they were pretty sure he was going to be staying in the NICU for a while and they didn't know when I could see him. I was devestated. My own son and I couldn't even see him. I did want him to be healthy and I knew he was in good hands, so I didn't worry too much. We hadn't decided on a name for him before he was born and wanted to see him and spend time with him before we decided. Because he was taken away so fast, I didn't want to try and figure out his name.

That first night in the hospital was pretty rough. As soon as I had eaten, the nurse came and took out my epidural. Of course it doesn't wear off for a while so I still had some tingly legs. It turns out that 10 babies were born that same day and they were having a hard time getting the moms moved to the postpartum rooms. We were told to just sit and wait and see if one opened up. After several hours, our nurse came back in and said we were switching rooms but not to a postpartum room. Boo. Mike and the nurse helped me stand up and I thought I was doing great until one of them made a comment about how much blood I was losing. Of course, being an idiot, I decided to look. It was pretty bad. As soon as I saw it, my legs went out and I fell back down on the bed. After that, getting in to a chair turned out to be pretty rough. We finally made it to the new room (which had a TINY chair that was supposed to be a bed for Mike) and in to the bed (it was temperpedic) and settled in to bed. I didn't sleep much because the nurses kept coming in to check on me for one thing or another.

At about 2 in the morning, my nurse came in and asked if I wanted to see my baby. Uh DUH! So we got me in to a wheelchair again (which was a LOT easier to do this time lol) and went down to the NICU. I remember still feeling like he was a stranger, but also feeling excited to get to know my own son. He was so tiny in that little box! When we had to leave I was pretty upset. I wished that he could be in the room with me so that I could take care of him myself. I really needed to get some sleep though. So we went back to the room and went to bed.

The next day was rough. I started feeling all the aches and pains from pushing him out but didn't feel too bad. We were able to go to the nursery several times that day to spend more time with Jasper. Mike had to leave early for school and then again for work that evening. By that afternoon, they were even going to let me try to breastfeed!! That first try at breastfeeding was pretty rough. He would latch on really well, suck really hard, but because I really wasn't producing anything, he would get really frustrated with me. He even screamed at me once! Needless to say, we really didn't get much accomplished that time except find out he knew how to suck. Good news.

Later that evening, after a lot of help from the nurses, he finally latched on and stayed on! He stayed working at it for 20 minutes! I was so pleased with my little man. By this time, we finally decided his name was Jasper Dean. Mike asked him several times what he thought his name was and several times he responded to Jasper. Also, saying it out loud made it feel more right. Also, that breastfeeding was the first time that I got to spend some alone time with him. I now understand why people enjoy breastfeeding so much. It hurts like crap, but I am grateful for the bond we are starting to share.

Mike and I both were able to sleep so much better that night. During that day they were able to move us to a more comfortable room that had a long couch for Mike to sleep on. The nurses left me alone all night long so that I could get some rest and that was absolutely amazing!! Mike had to wake up early to go to school and work again and wouldn't be able to be with us all day. Poor Mike couldn't see Jasper at all that day. :( We spent most of the time in the nursery with Jasper and were trying to get him to breastfeed well. Of course he didn't want to feed barely at all that day. I remember feeling pretty depressed and worry that he wasn't going to be able to learn how to eat or that I was doing something wrong. Finally, again with a lot of help from the nurse, he finally latched on and did great. Shirlee, the day nurse, could not have been more excited. She heard how well he had did the night before and wanted to help make sure he did well during the day too. He ate great right before she had to leave. Also, we found out that Jasper was looking a little jaundice-y. They weren't too worried because newborns very often get jaundice. He was going to have to be under some special lights that would help him get better. I was released from the hospital around 4 that afternoon and had a really hard time leaving my baby. I remember feeling so empty. You are supposed to go to the hospital, have the baby, and then come home from the baby...not leave without your baby. I was worried that he would forget who I was or something stupid like that. I made it through that whole day without crying (amazingly).

It felt great to be home. Chewy could not have been more excited. I missed him SO much and I could tell that he missed me too. He barely left my side at all when we got home. I felt weird not having Jasper with me but grateful for the time I had to myself to recover. Seriously, I feel so so spoiled. Most new moms have to not only worry about themselves, but also about there baby at the same time. I haven't had to worry at all about taking care of my baby; the NICU is doing that. I will probably have a hard time with the next baby because I have been so spoiled. We went back up to the hospital that night one more time to feed him and to say goodnight. When Mike got home from work, I started to feel the mommy hormones kick in and at the same time, start feeling all the aches and pains. I decided that I absolutely hate stool softeners and will never take them again in my life if I can help it. They are SO painful! My tears finally caught up to me and I lost it because of all the pain and missing my baby. Luckily Mike was able to calm me down and we were able to sleep.

That morning, Mike was able to feed Jasper his bottle and burp him for the first time. I remember feeling that my love for Mike could not get any stronger. Seeing him holding his son and loving on him just made my heart melt. He is going to be an amazing dad. Also, that day was filled with both sets of grandparents visiting. Mom has been here the whole time helping me out around the house and running errands and Dad came back up on Saturday. He said he was already having Jasper withdraws. Mike's parents hadn't met Jasper yet so they came up too. We were out and about , going up to the hospital to visit. We found out that Jasper's jaundice was gone and that he was able to come out from under the lights!! Good news! He started to breastfeed so much better and they even upped his amount of formula. I forgot to take my pain meds and had a really hard time doing anything that day. You can bet that as soon as I got home and could take more medicine that I did and then slept all night long.

Today has been a pretty good day. Our alarm didn't go off this morning so we missed the first feeding. I felt horrible. I couldn't believe that I had slept that long and that I had left my baby by himself all night long. I was worried that he would forget who I was or maybe be mad at me for leaving him alone for so long. Yes, I know these were stupid things to worry about, but yet again, the hormones are crazy when you just had a baby! I cried myself back to sleep and then was able to wake up, eat breakfast, and head up to see my little man. He ate pretty well but seemed to be very distracted. He was wide awake and was in to looking at everything. The nurse actually let me get him out of his crib all by myself today!! Dad was also able to hold him for a while. He is so in love with his little grandson and Jasper already has him wrapped around his little finger. Mike was able to be there more today and helped me out with feeding so much. At the last feeding, I was able to change his diaper! It was poopy and so I was really concentrating on that when he started peeing on himself! I mean, I knew little boys were like water fountains but I guess I just forgot. It was hilarious. I am now officially a mom. ;)

Jasper is growing and getting healthier everyday. We still don't know when he will be able to come home with us, but we are trying to stay positive and keep praying that he gets better. He will soon be in our home and in our arms.